Depression flattens warmth. You can still treat yourself fairly. Start with two-minute acts that show respect. Speak in short, factual lines. Ask for help when safety wobbles.
Short answer. You do not have to like yourself to treat yourself fairly. Start with tiny, visible acts of respect that do not need motivation: water, sleep, one honest message, one clean plate. Liking may trail behind, and that is allowed.
In short:
People ask me how to like themselves when the mood is flat and mornings taste sour. I hear it in English and in Hindi, on video and across the coffee table in Bengaluru. Tiny acts show respect. Liking yourself works like a verb you can do: feed your body, speak more gently to yourself, organise your day in simpler ways, pick kinder inputs, and let the proof be these plain moves rather than a pumped-up feeling.
Start embarrassingly small today. Drink water, put your phone to charge before sleep, reply to one stale message, or rinse one plate, and call it care, because ordinary moves count when energy is short and patience thinner. They are visible and repeatable. You can point to them in the evening and say I did that, and your brain will have a steadier anchor than any pep talk.
Affection often comes late. A sleepy, low mood rarely produces warmth on command, and chasing a bright feeling quickly turns into another job that scolds you for failing it while you are already stretched thin and sore. Go the boring way. Keep a trail of small, observable kindness that you can show to yourself like receipts, and let tomorrow notice at its own pace.
Pick one friction point in the day and give it an easier path. I mean something humble: place a glass near the sink, lay out clothes before bed, draft a reply in your notes so it cannot grab you back yet, and set the alarm you keep skipping. Small frictions removed add up. Liking grows more easily in these quiet arrangements than in any grand, once-a-week overhaul.
Two-minute versions help today. Set a timer, brush your teeth without drama, step onto the balcony and feel air on your face, put one spoon in the sink, wipe the counter once, and then stop, because stopping is the pact that lets you return tomorrow without dread. Stop early on purpose. Keeping a small promise to yourself teaches your body that you can be relied on even when mood is grey.
Perfection loves big gestures. It declares that only a sweeping transformation counts as proof of worth, and that story makes you skip the small acts that could make today less scratchy because they look unimpressive from a distance. That story is expensive. Give cheap support to yourself instead and keep the bar where tired bodies can actually step over it.
Try an ugly draft. Send a reply that is a single line, cook a meal that repeats last night's plan, wear a shirt already ironed, and leave the dishes to soak, because fewer choices ease a heavy brain and buy back a little power. If you are stuck between fog and laziness, read Am I lazy, unmotivated, or depressed?.
Harsh self-talk talks big. It pretends to be discipline while it drains the day, and I have seen people burn their only usable hour building the perfect routine, then hate themselves for missing it and carry that sting into the next task. Keep structure minimal. For small ways to start, see How do I get myself moving when I feel depressed?.
I am Satlaj Sachan, a counsellor in Bengaluru, practising since 2015. Adults roughly 25 to 45 work with me in English and Hindi, over video and in person. I am not a doctor and cannot prescribe; when medication feels worth considering, I refer to a psychiatrist and we plan your next steps around that care. Diagnosis is not my job; the work is conversation and pattern-spotting.
Safety comes first here. For risk of harming yourself or someone else, call Tele-MANAS on 14416 for the government's free 24/7 helpline, or go to the nearest emergency room, because that urgency needs medical attention and a stable container before any slow work. Counselling with me suits adults who can meet weekly or fortnightly and want a steady place to think rather than a quick rescue. If you need inpatient structure or 24/7 cover, look for psychiatric services in the city.
I keep it simple. My posture is friendship in the hard parts, and I will walk with you rather than correct you, and I will say the unwelcome thing when it is needed, because respect sometimes sounds like no. I do not diagnose. There is no fixing here.
Keep sentences very short. Say I feel heavy, I can shower, I can open the window, I do not have to like this to do it, and let your tongue finish the line while your mouth hears you. Hearing your own voice matters. Insults slow you down and make simple tasks feel rougher than they need to be when the day already feels cold and woolly.
Make it concrete and small. For example: I will wash my face before 11, text my colleague that I need the afternoon, and put oats in milk, then I am done for now, because finishing a small plan brings relief to a crowded head. Protect the finish line. If you want more on finding a spark on flat days, read How do I find motivation when I feel depressed?.
Choose kinder inputs in the background. Low-voltage music, a window open, a few slow breaths on the balcony, or sitting near a plant can lower the static enough that tasks feel less abrasive, and then your words with yourself stop sounding like a judge with a stamp. Quiet helps effort. Your body learns the tone you repeat alongside the small moves.
Two steps only tonight. Write them where you will see them, say them out loud once, and then protect them from late edits, because the mind that dislikes itself will try to add pain in the name of improvement. Keep it very boring. You are building tolerance for small, finished care, and that needs less drama and more repetition.
One kind thing first. Put your phone to charge, drink water, choose tomorrow's clothes now, and place the keys by the door, then stop, because stopping tells your body that care was complete and it can rest. Stopping is the point. Night brains add extra suffering with tidy logic; ending early is the move that protects tomorrow morning.
Feeling blank and teary and want a place to take that? Find a counsellor and talk to one, locally or online, and pick someone you can meet steadily. If the edge feels sharp tonight, call Tele-MANAS on 14416 or go to an emergency room. You can decide the rest later.
Is liking myself even possible during depression?
You can act with respect before you feel warmth. Small, steady behaviours like water, sleep, and short replies count as liking. Feelings often lag mood, then change slowly or stay uneven for a while. Keep moves tiny and visible so you can point to them and say I did that today.
What should I do when I hate my body?
Switch to fairness. Feed it something simple, drink water, clean your teeth, stretch in bed, and put on softer clothes. Speak in neutral lines: My body is tired, I can be gentle. Kindness is a choice you make because punishing a tired body usually makes the day worse.
How many sessions before I feel better?
There is no set number. Some people want weekly; others come fortnightly. We decide based on your life, money, and what the work needs right now. For a sense of patterns I see, read How often do people go to therapy?.
Do I need medication or counselling or both?
Both options can sit together. I am a counsellor, not a doctor, so I cannot prescribe. If medication seems worth considering, I refer to a psychiatrist and we plan around that. Some people also use platforms that include psychiatrists, like DocVita or Amaha, and continue counselling alongside.
What if I feel unsafe with myself at night?
Safety first. Call Tele-MANAS on 14416, the government's free 24/7 helpline, or go to the nearest emergency room. You do not have to decide anything else tonight. Once you are steady, we can work on small, boring plans that keep the next night simpler and the room kinder.
Written by Satlaj Sachan, a counsellor in Bengaluru working Book a first conversation.